The card reads, "Learn how to fight fairly. Fight to resolve differences, not to win. In fact, maybe after a short respite and a few deep breaths, you could shift what started out as an argument into a constructive discussion. Taking a mutually agreed upon break is one thing, but giving up or walking away angry is another. This only prolongs and escalates an angry mood indefinitely. If you find your fights quickly get out of control, consider reading a book on fair fighting or seeking out a third part to referee."
I italicized a section of the description for a purpose; I have never heard this advice explained in this manner. Fighting not to win is contrary to our contemporary culture, seen often in movies and advertising. Besides, capitalism is all about being the "big dog." What do I take from this? On first blush, it appears that being angry over something is not a bad thing in and of itself; anger can indicated something is wrong. As the Bible reminds us in Ephesians 4:26, "Be you angry, yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down upon your wrath." The key, then, is to constructively use anger.
I see many people use their anger and fight to be right; they fight to justify their position (even when in the wrong), not aware that they manner in which they fight harms even friends and family. What a powerful emotion...
From http://www.positive-way.com/howto2.htm are nine steps on fighting fairly:
"How to Fight Fair in your Marriage and Other Relationships."
- Be Respectful.
- Keep the problem the problem.
- Stay on one subject.
- Use time-outs as needed.
- Listen for understanding.
- Don’t mind read your partner
- Try to see things from your partner’s point of view
- Seek to solve the problem.
- Forgive and accept each other.
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